phantomrose96:

risarei:

finishing a series but still being attached to the story and its characters

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watching an ongoing series where the plot’s become embarassing and boring but still being attached to the story and its characters

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tuucker:

irisowl:

So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized

Dr. Robert Evans

I looked it up

My dentist is Captain America’s dad

My doctor is JK Rowling’s husband.

JK Rowling’s husband has asked me if I am sexually active.

unwinona:

catsncats:

pocket protector

yes hello I have a complaint about my pants

there is no kitten in them

queenanthai:

gothiccharmschool:

skelepoison-spooks:

IT HAS BEGUN

THREAT LEVEL PUMPKIN

IT’S FUCKING JULY

rift-master:

the-eagle-atarian:

polygenderprincess:

friendly reminder that!! self diagnosis is just as good as a professional diagnosis and saying that it isnt is classist and ableist uwu

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I have cancer. Your post gave me cancer. That is my self diagnosis and will be sending you the million dollar medical bills shortly.

rcmclachlan:

I’m watching X-Men (2000) and holy shit everyone looks so young. Hugh Jackman looks like a goddamn college student. Anna Paquin was practically a fetus.

And then there’s Patrick Stewart. He looks the same as I imagine he did in 976 AD.

  • (A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)
  • Angry Customer: “Damn f**s.”
  • Gay Man: “Excuse me?”
  • Angry Customer: “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”
  • Gay Man: *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”
  • Angry Customer: “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”
  • (The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)
  • Angry Customer: *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”
  • (Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)
  • Owner: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”
  • Wife: “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”
  • Owner: “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”
  • (The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)
  • baby: w- w- waa-
  • parent: aww is baby crying?
  • baby: wa- waaa- Water. Earth. Fire. Air. Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Only the Avatar master of all four elements could stop them, but when the world needed him most he vanished. A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new Avatar: an airbender named Aang, and while his airbending skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he's ready to save anyone. But I believe, Aang can save the world.

michaxl:

dilclo:

michaxl:

why am i not a disney princess

because ur a 15 year old boy

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daeneryus:

shutupaubrey:

princesschloepea:

life tip whatever dumb ass name you get siri to call you is what your iphone automatically signs your emails as. i have been applying to jobs for 2 months as queef.

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#OH MY GOD OH GMY GOD OH MY GOD NO N ONO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOO #HOLY SHIT #I HAVE BEEN APPLYING TO JOBS AS ANAL DESTROYER

hraesvelgur:

awkofrozenmermaid:

Good god I love this game.

It is glorious

hraesvelgur:

awkofrozenmermaid:

Good god I love this game.

It is glorious

racistmom:

2 notes doesnt pay the rent